S7 Wednesday: Sofa King Good

Interviewer: Carmine

Carmine: Alright everybody, welcome back to another exciting season of dodgeball! I’m here interviewing a team that grabbed my attention as soon as I walked into the gym: The King of Good Sofas!
Andy: Uh, actually, it’s “Sofa King Good”.
Carmine: Hey, you can’t say that in this interview! We have to keep things clean around here.
Andy: No, I said…never mind. I’ll write it out for you.
(Andy writes out the team name)
Carmine: Oh! I see. That’s clever! I wish I had thought of that.
Vom: Well back off, because it’s ours.

Carmine: Hey, I’m not looking for trouble, just answers. How many seasons have you guys been playing.
Derek: Two.
Carmine: Man of few words, eh Derek?
Derek: Yes.
Carmine: Doesn’t anybody on this team like to talk?
Fakang Su: What do you want to know?
Isabelle: Oh, now you’ve done it…
Carmine: Done what?
Isabelle: You’ll see.

Carmine: Okay…Fakang Su, I want to know it all: what do you guys do outside of dodgeball?
Fakang Su: Dude, we lay online video games like crazy!
Carmine: Sweet! Me too. I’m like, the best at insane aquarium.
Fakang Su: Oh, I’ve never played that one. We play COH.
Carmine: Canadian Owl Herder?
Fakang Su: No, Company of Heroes.
Carmine: Oh, is that like one of those first person shooter games where you run around pwning newbs?
Fakang Su: Yeah! Wait, how did you spell newb when you wrote it down there?
Carmine: N-E-W-B.
Fakang Su: Can you spell it N-0-0-B from now on?
Carmine: With two zeroes? n00b?
Faking Su: There you go.

Carmine: Do you guys do anything else?
Fakang Su: Yeah, we wear tights to keep us warm, then go get slurpees because we get too hot. We also play Rock Band the game and real instruments too.
Carmine: Dang, that’s pretty flippin’ sweet! What do you play?
Fakang Su: I sing and play guitar.
Carmine: Well, do you want to make a band?
Fakang Su: Totally! We can be called “My Strokes”.
Carmine: That’s a little too similar to “The Strokes”. How about “Pig Rape Tuesday”?
Fakang Su: That works too.
Isabelle: Do you see what I mean?
Carmine: Who are you?
Isabelle: I’m…never mind. Keep talking Fakang Su.

Carmine: That was weird. Okay guys, who is your best player?
Derek: We’re all the best player. It’s a team effort. There’s no “I” in team…unless you’re stupid and decide to spell it “teim”. Then there’s an “I” in team.
Fakang Su: Yeah dawg, we represent.
Elaine: I just wanted to interject and say that whatever these guys are talking about does not apply to us at all. AT ALL.
Fakang: Later on, I’m going to rap.

Carmine: Sweet. I can’t wait. Who came up with the team name.
David: Derek came up with it.
Fakang Su: He saw it on a billboard in Compton.

Carmine: No kidding? That’s dope. Okay guys, let me know your strats.
Fakang Su: Fast, furious, accurate.
Carmine: And how about everybody else?
Andy: That’s it. Everybody on the team thinks the same way. Well, almost everybody…
Fakang Su: I don’t wear underwear.
Carmine: Uh…
Fakang Su: Just be glad I don’t wear my tights here.

Carmine: Still uh…
Fakang Su: Can I rap now?
Carmine: Go for it baby.
(a phat beat and bass line appear seemingly from nowhere)
Fakang Su:

Straight out from Taiwan with an egg roll
With a 45 magnum feeling local
And you know I never go solo
I dodge balls like I fried rice with a wok
I am the man, god damn
Taiwan, people of CHEN SUI BIEN
Yes, you heard me, please stand up.
With so much happening in the GBC
Sometimes it’s hard being sofa king G.O.O.D.
But um, we’re living the spectacular dream.
You gotta watch out so you don’t get hit.

Carmine: And that’s the scoop on Sofa King Good. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go try to understand what just happened here.
Fakang Su: It was all a dream…
Carmine: AAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!